Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
