My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
