I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
