I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
