he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
