Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
