I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
organizing the empties. That sober.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
