I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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