did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
