I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
