4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
