CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
