you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
