My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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