Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
