I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How's work?
Spinning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
