Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
