At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
