We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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