he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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