she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you inspire me to be a worse person
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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