the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
