just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
