I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
