oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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