so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize