Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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