And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Your topless pictures make me question reality
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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