I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
