You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
