When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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