just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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