he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
