how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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