Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
