I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize