just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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