Plan B is the new Plan A
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
