I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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