I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
