absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
