Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
