just come out here and I will go home with you...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
