y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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