Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
