you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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