Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
