just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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