Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
