I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
