i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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