I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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