I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
