No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
