Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
