come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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