I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If I die, sorry about rent.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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