The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
