I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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