I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
