I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She told me I should be a condom model.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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