Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
A bitchslap is in order.
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