She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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