I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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