He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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