Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
