I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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