i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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