The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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