I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
