I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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