I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
