You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
