"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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