Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
