just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
