i think my tv is drunk
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
